Denae Blog

Earlier this year, I had the absolute privilege to attend an event held at The Salvation Army Booth Training College called 'Brengle.' This was where we learnt about Holiness, what it is to be Holy, and how we can do that in our everyday lives. While I was there, we had an opportunity to write some spoken word with the amazing Rosy Keane. It was a wonderful weekend learning about Holiness and I was encouraged to share my spoken word poetry somewhere after sharing it at church this past week. We were given the prompt, “I need you to know,” and here’s what ended up in my lil’ black book:

“I need you know that I’m moving out.

Today. Like right now. You see, I’ve been couch jumping. I’ve been jumping from burning couch to burning couch in the too hard basket for quite some time now, well at least my faith has.

Because I am like a pyromaniac who loves to sleep on couches. My routine usually goes as such - it’s a new year, so I get myself a new couch. A “fresh start”...But at the same time, I buy myself a REALLY nice box of matches, and I just want to grab a match and watch the couch *cue signal for blowing up couch*...ya dig? The urge for a roaring fire kicks in and from that moment on, I’m left again, another year, sleeping on a burning couch. Tossing and turning in the blankets of ash made up of my own shame for another 364 days, trying to find some comfort in my guilt.

The months of sleeping on my scorched sofa have left me thinking that maybe it’s fair for Jesus to give up on me - because every time he hands me something worth cherishing and caring for, I put a match to it. All in search for my roaring fire.

No matter how much I don’t want to set my own faith ablaze - I’m a pyromaniac you see. I like the burn and I’m starting to get desperate for my roaring fire.

And yet, God said I can have his couch - and his perfect love. Because of Him, I am finally able to put my matches down, because all along He has placed the roaring fire of the Holy Spirit inside of me, but I’ve been too busy choking on the smoke I’ve drowned myself in all these years - too blinded by the doubt that God ever loves me, after everything. That’s never the case when it comes to God now, is it?

So, like I said, I’ll be moving out. Oh and keep the matches...and the old couches. The place I’ll be staying at, with God - will be permanent.”