Lately I’ve come to realize the value of space. I’ve just moved out on my own and for the firsttime, I can genuinely say that I have my own space. It’s been pretty eye opening, I’ve found that I have a lot more time to myself, to do my own things. I can sit in front of my TV and vegout playing video games without worrying about my little 4 year old brother wanting to watch TV. I’ve had the freedom to eat whatever I like, whenever I want.
But mainly, I’ve felt pretty alone and isolated, and I’ve found that in those moments, God has been present. It’s been really weird, because it’s probably the first time that I’ve felt God’s presence in solitude. And it’s been really good! Like, I’m used to feeling God through worshipping with other people,and I used to try and connect with God on my own but just couldn’t get over the quiet and the alone-ness. But I feel like I’m at a place now where I can freely come to God whenever and I love it, it’s something new that I haven’t experienced before.
I guess my encouragement is to not be afraid of the quiet and the solitude, because that’s when Godcan move most powerfully. Peace.
When I was younger I had a ceramic moneybox in the shape of a frog. It was fairly small, and mostly ornamental since it didn’t hold a lot of money, and there was no opening at the bottom, so once you put coins in, there was no way to get them out without breaking it. Still, I dropped coins, and even notes in it from time to time, knowing that it was a great way to save, since I couldn’t get the money out unless I broke it open. I would have to really want to use the money inside for something worthwhile, I would have to be sure that this was the right time and the right way to use it, before I was going to break that moneybox. That was its purpose.
Lately I’ve been thinking about that moneybox. It’s been a rough year and I’m all too aware of my own brokenness. I didn’t choose the battles I am facing, and there have been times when I have fallen on my knees before God, so weary I thought I could never get up again. Yet it is in my weakest moments that I have seen God move. It would be tempting to think that God can only use me when I have it all together, but the truth is it’s only in my brokenness that I’ve discovered what’s truly inside of me. Strangely, I am more confident of what I am capable of now that I am broken. Like the moneybox, there is something contained in me that was put there for a purpose. I was not made to be ornamental.
We think broken is a bad thing because it comes with pain, but we forget that we’re part of a bigger story. God promises in Isaiah 66:9 “I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born.” I want to see God do a new thing in me and through me. I want that more than I want not to be broken. So I place the shards of my life into God’s hands, knowing that He has a plan and a purpose for the treasure that I carry inside.