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Who You Say I Am

Alexia Blog

Just over a month ago, we got sent the songs for Youth Councils, and one of the songs really struck me. 

Now, I must admit, at first I really liked it because it’s a new Hillsong song and it’s sung by Brooke Fraser (or now Brooke Ligertwood), and she has been one of my favourite musicians for as long as I can remember. But the more I listened to it, the more I loved it for the words (at this point I recommend going and listening to the song before you continue and hopefully it will make my ramblings seem a little more coherent).

Today, on the walk to work, while listening to the song, I felt a tear come to my eye. Granted, it could have been because of the cold wind, or the fact I have a stubborn cold that doesn’t want to go away, but I’m pretty sure it was because of the emotion of the song.

The thing that really resonates with me in this song is the lines of the bridge:

“I am chosen, not forsaken, I am who you say I am.”

And the reason is for a long time, I have struggled with not feeling good enough for any calling I’ve felt by God on my life.

But there’s one thing that seems to be really following me around lately - it's that God knows us, what we’ve been through, who we are, and even with this, he still calls us, and no matter what we may say about ourselves, he calls us as we are.

If he’s calling you, he thinks you are ready. It’s like when God speaks to Moses from the burning bush and says, “So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” (Exodus 3:10), and Moses replies, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” (Exodus 3:11). God doesn’t say to Moses 'no you’re right, maybe go away for a bit and then I’ll come back to you later,' he says 'I will be with you.'

But what made Moses good for the job God had for him was that, not only was he an Israelite, but he had grown up in the house of the Pharaoh. It was his experiences that made him the man for the job.

And I think that’s why 'Who You Say I Am' has stuck out to me so much and strikes such emotion in me; because often I feel just like Moses did, asking “who am I that I should do this job?” Or even, as the opening words of the song say, “who am I that the highest king would welcome me?” Because often I feel as though I’m not the right person for what he calls me to, but as the song says, “I am chosen, not forsaken, I am who you say I am.”

I Need You to Know

Denae Blog

Earlier this year, I had the absolute privilege to attend an event held at The Salvation Army Booth Training College called 'Brengle.' This was where we learnt about Holiness, what it is to be Holy, and how we can do that in our everyday lives. While I was there, we had an opportunity to write some spoken word with the amazing Rosy Keane. It was a wonderful weekend learning about Holiness and I was encouraged to share my spoken word poetry somewhere after sharing it at church this past week. We were given the prompt, “I need you to know,” and here’s what ended up in my lil’ black book:

“I need you know that I’m moving out.

Today. Like right now. You see, I’ve been couch jumping. I’ve been jumping from burning couch to burning couch in the too hard basket for quite some time now, well at least my faith has.

Because I am like a pyromaniac who loves to sleep on couches. My routine usually goes as such - it’s a new year, so I get myself a new couch. A “fresh start”...But at the same time, I buy myself a REALLY nice box of matches, and I just want to grab a match and watch the couch *cue signal for blowing up couch*...ya dig? The urge for a roaring fire kicks in and from that moment on, I’m left again, another year, sleeping on a burning couch. Tossing and turning in the blankets of ash made up of my own shame for another 364 days, trying to find some comfort in my guilt.

The months of sleeping on my scorched sofa have left me thinking that maybe it’s fair for Jesus to give up on me - because every time he hands me something worth cherishing and caring for, I put a match to it. All in search for my roaring fire.

No matter how much I don’t want to set my own faith ablaze - I’m a pyromaniac you see. I like the burn and I’m starting to get desperate for my roaring fire.

And yet, God said I can have his couch - and his perfect love. Because of Him, I am finally able to put my matches down, because all along He has placed the roaring fire of the Holy Spirit inside of me, but I’ve been too busy choking on the smoke I’ve drowned myself in all these years - too blinded by the doubt that God ever loves me, after everything. That’s never the case when it comes to God now, is it?

So, like I said, I’ll be moving out. Oh and keep the matches...and the old couches. The place I’ll be staying at, with God - will be permanent.”