Frequently Asked Questions

You're stuck with junk until you ask us questions, yeah?

So, get asking... ask us about the site, about the Army, about anything. Remember, there's no stupid questions, just stupid people.

 

Q.

Somebody told me Granny Smith apples are only good for cooking – is this true?

A.

No flipping way is that true. That’s like saying cars are only good for parking, or potatoes are only good for fries. Granny Smith’s are the all-rounders of the apple team – excellent raw, cooked, accompanied or alone. They’re sweet and sour, always crunchy and are the perfect pocket-size. And there’s no way Granny Smith’s caused the downfall of humanity – Eve bit a Braeburn.

 

Q.

Major dilemma…I want to buy some heeled boots but I only hang out with short people. What should I do?

A.

You know what? If these boots are comfy, look good and make you feel good – buy ‘em. So, you look like a giant with your shorter friends? Who cares? You’ll probably end up looking like a celeb, ‘cause a-list’s always look like they’re on stilts around average humans. And your friends will love people thinking they’re with a celeb. Win win.

 

Q.

After watching scary movies, I don’t like going toilet in the middle of the night. Is that weird?

A.

That’s not weird. But you know what is? Needing to go toilet in the middle of the night. An easy fix to this situation is a) stop watching scary movies, or b) make sure you stop taking in liquids at a reasonable hour and empty yourself before bed. You’re welcome.

 

Q.

What’s the ‘that’ that makes you beautiful? I got so confused with that song.

A.

Well son, it looks like you’re not a details person. How about you hit that rewind button and listen to the previous line? ‘You don’t know you’re beautiful’…’that’s what makes you beautiful’. Sure, it’s a little ambiguous and the flow between lines makes the meaning of ‘that’ hard to determine, but it seems as long as you don’t know you are – you’re beautiful. But dang it, they’ve just told you.

 

Q.

I want a cheap, care-free pet that’s really easy to look after. What do you recommend?

A.

Not getting a pet. Sorted.

 

Q.

Wouldn’t it be so funny if someone made a Salvation Army sitcom?

A.

Have you really thought this through? How many timbrel-related jokes can you make? How many brass puns are there? How long until they run out of situations to use ‘Salvation Army water-juice’ jokes in? How many acronyms can you use in one scene – CO, DYS, TSA, TYMC, DC, TSMP? We would love to see ‘Sally Shore’ though.

 

Q.

Sometimes I wonder if my life is being filmed. And then I wonder ‘Am I making a good enough movie?’

A.

Oh yipes. You got us. Busted. We played that out so well. It took you a while to figure that one out. But now that you know…you really could make it more interesting. How about getting a zany haircut? Or only eating bananas from now on? Or talking without syllables? All improvements…go on, do it. Now. We’re watching.